He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
