It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
