We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
