dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
