omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
