Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
