i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
