So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
