dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Will exercising make me less horny?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
