You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
