Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
