Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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