Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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