this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
