Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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