i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Never underestimate the power of titties
jump out the window naked night went bad
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
