I think i peed on brittanys purse
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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