Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
