I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
