yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
