Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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