I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
