Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
