You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I party with great urgency now.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
