once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
