I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
