as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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