I got chris browned last night
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
