just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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