was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
