so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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