I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
