my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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