My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
