And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
