Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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