you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
