You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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