yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
