Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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