I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
