wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
