And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
