He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't deserve a penis
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
