what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
