yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
