my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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