i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
