She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
