My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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