Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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