I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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