I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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