oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
