I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
