if i died would you start the facebook group?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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