see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
